Friday, February 3, 2012

Poetry & Beethoven



This is my 1st Draft...

"Write the First Draft with your heart, write the second with your head" -- William Forrester - "Finding Forrester"
 I'll get to the 2cd draft later...

Poetry & Beethoven
Poetry:  To the few, they mean something.  To the more fortunate, they can breathe what they read and come out a changed person.  They can feel the Words that are much more than “words.”  Poetry can become much more than just poetry.  To some, poetry is Beethoven: Beautiful and Majestic – in just a different form of Art.  Where readers can read poetry and can either get what the poet is saying, or not, they will apply it in a way that is unique to them.  With Beethoven, a “Poet of Music,” ten people can listen to any of his pieces and can come up with ten different theories of what he, the poet – the artist – was feeling at the time.   Poetry, to me, is like Beethoven, Bach, Chopin, or modern day Post Rock, the common person can listen to it all day and be in their happy place.
 Others, however, view Poetry like Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch or Paula Abdul: TOTALLY and UTTERLY a waste of time, now, or maybe a "Once in a Blue Moon" type of listen – they may have been the Kings and the Queens of the 80’s, they are forgotten now.  Maybe the average person will check out a friend's blog where he/she has written something that they have sweated blood and cried over...Smile...Maybe say something nice…And move on throughout their day unaffected.  "Poetry is a thing of the past" some may say."  Shell Silverstein and Edgar Allan Poe were good at the moment, reading and studying in Grade and High School, but this is real life, who has time for Poetry..." They choose to only read words, while they forego the time to breathe them in. Of course, not all Poetry can be like Beethoven, while Beethoven is “Classic” some poetry will suck!  There is only one Beethoven like there will be only Edgar Allan Poe.
In this Digital Age, it seems that less people have time for sitting down and reading a book, or not enough imagination, inspiration to listen to a ten-minute orchestra piece and try and decipher what it means because it doesn’t have “lyrics” – Heaven forbid! The world today can make all the time in the world to stay relevant on the latest movies and have all the latest applications on their iPhones and Droids.  Our TVs are set to digitally-record all of our favorite shows that we might miss while we annihilate complete strangers on Call of Duty on Playstation or XBOX 360.  And let us not forget that our Facebook and Twitter statuses are up to date to tell all our "friends" what a great life we live without them, yet in actuality we aren't doing much more than Youtube-ing random videos that make us laugh, or smile toward strangers as we wish that we had their lives.  We envy that we are not out with ACTUAL friends having fun.  We stare mindlessly at our Televisions and Computer screens pretending to be social with our curtains closed, while our lives pass us by.  
  Smoke…The world has become smoke – Vanity, it’s all vanity.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

2012 Goals

I've stopped dreaming of the fallacy of coming up with this unrealistic goal of conquering of "New Years Resolutions," because what is the goal of every Christian?  To become like Christ.  To reach perfection.  To stop sinning against God, and love Him more. Or something to that effect, give or take a few words.

As I reviewed my GOALS of 2011, and looking at myself in the mirror I realized that I did SO MUCH BETTER than any other year previously; I still EPICALLY failed, however, getting no where near where I wanted to be.  So, here is where I am...A year older, but not much wiser.

1) I NEED to Dive into God's Word!!  I don't care, so much, about memorizing verses WORD FOR WORD if it is going to detract from me KNOWING what the versus say.  I can memorize the whole Bible, but if I don't know what it says than that kinda defeats the purpose doesn't it?  An hour per day I'd like to devout to God in his Word, or Study material...

2) I want to know more about my personal morals and ethics, and how they relate against scripture.  I realize that there are OODLES (how's that for a word drop!?) of scripture that the Bible will say one thing, but my mind will interpret it so much differently.  Not because I want to mold scripture into what I want.  Sure, there will be a few versus that I will clash with, who doesn't?  As I carry on conversations with my friends and coworkers, however, I want to have a leg to stand on as I discuss WHY I believe this or that.

3) I want to make my next rank in the Air Force!! I am going to be 27 in 3 months, and I get withheld information at work because of my rank.  I get looked at and treated differently, like I'm 19 years old again, and I'm not a fan of it!!  And, besides, "Staff Sergeant Floyd" sounds SOOOOO much sweeter than "Senior Airmen Floyd."  1 Hour per day will be devoted to study for my test in May!

4) Personal and Material things I need to give up.  I need to give up spending money on needless materialistic things.  I want to buy a house SOMEDAY...Move out of my HORRIBLE living situation sometime by the beginning of 2013 (Lord Willing I'm Still Here in Lancaster) (<----NOT! That I shouldn't be...I'm just thinking realistically...I just don't know) and eating out for lunch everyday...And buying things that don't need to be bought just isn't what I need...

5) Lose weight.  I want my goal to be 170 and reassess when I get there.  I'm thinking I need to lose at least 25 or 30, for now.

2011 :: A Year in Review

Is it really the end of a year?  Do I REALLY have to look at myself in the mirror?

Two-Thousand-Ten was a learning year for me.  I left my first Non-Blood Family in Maryland with being Called back home to California.  I arrived in Lancaster in the middle part of July and found the church (Grace Chapel) I knew God was calling me to in the last weekend of August.  Sometime, though, after the first week of November I got lazy and made excuse after excuse NOT to attend.  And because I was not attending I was not being held accountable to myself, or by anybody else!!

I woke up on New Years Day fighting a hangover on a couch that I'm 100% SURE had been used as a dog's urinal, in a house that smelled like cigarettes, and among people that, though I WANT to believe have good hearts, were not who I inspired to be like in any way, and I thought to myself, "What the Hell am I doing here??  How the Hell did I end up here in this crappy situation??"  The answer was obvious...I put too much personal stock in Skin Deep People.  People who all they lived for was to get to the next weekend so that they could drink themselves silly.  People who are numb and CHOOSE to live in bitterness.  People that have lost their hope.  Men who treat their wives NOT like Treasures, but yell, swear, and degrade them. 

A year ago, I made a list of 5 things I wanted to get accomplished.  Some I accomplished.  Others I made strides towards, and then some I just didn't get anywhere near!!

NUMBER ONE, and MOST importantly, I promised myself that I would step away from that life style.  A year ago, I said that I would get off my butt and get INVOLVED with Grace Chapel (GC)!  That was my #1 Priority!  The going has been slow but stead.  I am truly humbled in the path that God has me on.  Am I perfect yet?  HA!  I think that we can ALL agree that THAT won't happen until I reach the Pearly Gates!  I joined the Choir in February, and that was only the beginning...

2) Trust Him::  In the last part of May, I got invited to go hiking by one of my Choir-Mates, FB Friend (that I had never met in person) to see if I wanted to go hiking to be another adult in escorting the HS.  I accepted....

1) I, honestly, had nothing to do on a Saturday (thus having no good excuse not to go)
2) It was a way to get involved with The Body and meet people.

I had an AWESOME time!  Initially met people that I wouldn't of had a chance otherwise.  Afterward, she asked if I'd be interested to joining the Junior High Staff on Wednesday nights.  And that just freaked me out.  I knew nothing about how to relate to a Junior Higher, and I didn't know if I was the best person to be in a position for kids to be looking up to.  I told her I'd pray about it, and trusting God that this was a direction that he wanted me to take,  I joined the staff in the first week of August....I still have no idea what the heck I am doing sometimes...I am there, however, with an open heart and open mind, for Christ didn't come to this world to be served but TO SERVE...And I'm trying to take as many cues from Him as I can.  Now, 4 months afterward...I'm meeting on Saturdays with the High School Director, diving into how to relate with the youth of today.  It's been a humbling experience.

3) Know Him More & Know More About What Other Religions Believe
Part 1 I feel like I have stepped into a new realm of where I am with my walk with Christ.  I am NOT where I want to be, but in my life's journey I have come a long way in a year.  I have a long way to go, but looking back I see a lot of progress that has been made. :-)
Part 2 of this with what other religions believe I just failed at; HARD!  I want to know, but I just set this away from my mind.

4) Share & Show HIM With Others
I feel like this one I'm finally scratching the surface with.  I just had a long conversation with one of my buddies I was pretty close to in Junior High School and I lost touch with when I switched High Schools.  I hadn't seen him in 10+ Years, and randomly he adds me as a Friend on FB.  I never forget a name of anybody who I've been close with, and when his name popped up I was like..."Heh, Wow...There's a name I haven't heard in a long time..."  He's going through a rough time but I want to believe that God is guiding him towards the Light.  It is my prayer that if he needs somebody he will shoot me an e-mail/text and I will be able to be there for him in anyway that I can be of service to him.

5) Love Others as Christ Loves Me.
I need to work on this too.  I might have done more than what I give myself credit for, but I feel like I can do so much better!! I want to start keeping myself accountable to this!  Every time I think ill-will against a person, I want to feel sick.  When I lose my temper with a person that gets under my skin easily, I want to go to them the next day (or when I cool off) and ask, humbly, for their forgiveness.  I want to be a better man than who I am today.  I want outsiders that don't know me to KNOW that I am a Christian by the way that I love...

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Ding....

Ding
Hello
Ding...
Goodbye
Ding
Hello Again...
Ding...
I don't think this is going to work

Ding!
This is getting old
Ding!
Why do you continue knocking!?
Ding
Am I not a lost cause??
Ding...
I am broken
Ding..
I am damaged goods...
Ding
You must have better places to be
Ding
Less tarnished souls to Save.
Ding!!
Ding!
Ding...

Ding...
Hello
Ding
I hear You
Ding
I see you now
Ding
Like I never did before

Ding...
I place my hands, my life in Yours
Ding...
Never let me go
Ding
I was a fool
Ding
You weren't the one saying goodbye
Ding...
It was me

Ding...
I'm here now
With you
Ding...
I want to be ready
For what Your Will has for me
Ding...
I want to forget the past
Leave it rot behind me
Ding...
You are the Mystery
What I can not fathom
Ding...
Ding...
Ding...

Here.
I.
Am.

I want to die to myself...
I want nothing to remain...
Except you.
Kill my pride
Kill my selfishness.
Take it away...
I only want You.

Ding...
The Dawn is Treading...
Rising over the mountain
Ding...
You are my Hope
Ding...
You are my King...
Ding...
You are my God...
There is nothing...
I AM NOTHING...
Without You

Thursday, October 27, 2011

We're All Apart in God's Song


 
Before I let you go, give me just one more night to let you know just how I feel.
Before you say goodbye, can I look upon your face one last time
I tried to let you go, I wish I could turn back time and show you how I feel
I tried to be yours, somebody I could not be -- A fallacy -- A shadow in the night


Before you let me go, whenever that day came
You saw me, for more than I saw myself
Potential that had yet to be grasped
Know, though, that I can never let you go
I see you, now, for more than I had ever before
As if my eyes were never fully open


There is a spot light, it was with you
But it needed to move toward the next place on the stage
Before the bulb flickered
And would never shine there, fully, again


If we slip away in darkness do we fall from memory?
Why must the little things in the journey of life haunt our soul?
Do angels sit at the crossroads of our life
With neon signs pointing us toward the light?


There are choices we must look upon
And realize who we truly are
Turning right and left matters little
In the Odyssey of life
Right...Left...God will be use us
As His Will dictates
We all have our own part in God's Song

I made a soldier's decision to fly away
As much as it pained me to do
I turned left
You stayed on the road and took the next right...

I raise my glass to you
And the incredible life
That God has granted you, my family
Here's to you, my friends, my brothers, my sisters!
Heaven's not far away
Cheers
I Love You

To my Family that God called me away from in both Grass Valley, CA and Catonsville, Columbia, Ellicott City, Baltimore, Elkridge, etc, Maryland.  The words that I write will never compare to my actual Love and Affection toward EACH and EVERY one of you.  I love you.

*I know I posted "God's Song" by Cold as the song that inspired this post, but really Cold's entire Album "A Different Kind of Pain" was a huge inspiration to me in this piece, taking whole lines, or part of lines, of lyrics...

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Adulthood -- Inspired by "What I've Done" by Linkin Park



There comes the days when one has to take that pivotal step from Child to Adolescent, Adolescent to Young Adult, and Young Adult to Adult.  I've been playing a fictional character for the past few years named "David S. Floyd - Adult" When my title really was closer to "Adult in Training" due to the fact that I had Blinders on most of the time.  My perception, six days out of seven, of what an Adult was, was defined by, more or less, myself rather than what it actually is.  So, allow me to start this post in defining what the world defines it as and go from there...

Dictionary.Com:  Noun: 1) A person who is fully grown or developed or of age. 2) A full-grown animal or plant. 3) A person who has attained the age of maturity as specified by law. 

Adjective: 4) Having attained full size and strength; grown up; mature: an adult person, animal, or plant. 5) Of, pertaining to, or befitting adults.6) Intended for adults; not suitable for children:

Or...Just for fun, if you'd rather...Urban Dictionary Defines "Adult as" (NOTE! Going to Urban Dictionary is at one's own guidance!!)

1) The period of your life before death, and after the time when you realize that it is, in fact, NOT cool to paste cut-outs from 'Teen People' onto your binder. (When Jenny realized that she had become an adult, a part of her died)
 
2)  A depressed child. Adults have the notion that juveniles need to suffer. Only when they have suffered enough to wipe out most of their joyous spirits and innocence are they staid enough to be considered 'Adult'. See also: Mature.(You go to your kiddie freinds. Come back when you're an adult and stop playing Pokemon)

In my opinion, the fact that I can go out and buy a Lottery Ticket, buy and drink alcohol, and I get cheaper car insurance does not...should not be what we judge "Adulthood" by.  Unfortunately....While I was not walking with Him as closely as I needed to, I fell into the world's trap of the definition.  I have paid my taxes and bills on time.  I signed up for a credit card, last week, and, because of my good credit, I and was approved for a larger amount of credit than I know I will need...But what does that do?  What kind of effect do they have on my life?  Simple Answer?? NONE

But our Spiritual Adulthood should be closer to who we have become because Christ is living IN us!  That our light will shine in the world and that we take our crosses up daily in the journey to follow and become like Him!  I went to a gathering this past week and one of my coworkers' wives asked me how I had been where I replied "I've never been better...I can't complain" She replied with, "I want whatever you have" Where without fail I responded with, "Come to church and find out..."  

What I've done, in my past, and what I will do, in my future, is and will be nothing that I am proud of.  I am a wretch.  I am a schmuck.  I am a hypocrite.  Yet...I have been saved by God's Grace that He gives freely; not because I...we have earned it by our own merits but because He gives it to us freely. I do stupid things that I don't know why I do them...TIME AND TIME AGAIN!  I know that I will stumble and I will fall, but that will not deter me in my quest of becoming closer to him because I know that God came down to rescue me, to be my Savior, and, like always, he will continue to pull me out of my personal Pit of Despair.

I know that the path that I am on is the road less traveled.  I know that it will be a struggle to move my feet at times, but I just need to TRUST in Him and my life will be nothing short of amazing THROUGH Him!  I've lived life without Him and I've lived life in Him....I still will stumble, but there is no more doubt in which path I want to be on....

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this i s not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast" Ephesians 2:8-9

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Past is Dead

Do you ever look into the past and realize why it truly is the past, and that it should just stay there?  I don't dive into old journals too often, except my old poetry that I see if I can improve, but when I do I thank God that he pulled me out in one piece.  I thank Him that no lives were ruined for they have truly made me into the man I am today because of those trials and tribulations that I failed in then.

I look back to remember the boy I was, so that I can see the hills that He has helped me climb to where I am.  Looking at where I am now, however, is still not close to who I know I can become.  My journey is not over.  My feet might slip from time to time.  I may stumble and fall. But there is one who is there in my corner...Urging me...Encouraging me...STRAIGHT UP PUSHING ME forward.

I look back, from time to time, not because I want to relive those times.  I look back because I want to remember where I was, so I can appreciate where I am now.

I leave this with a song that has nothing to do with this post, but I love the video.  It's pure and elegant with it being shot in Black and White, and it just simplistically fits.  

The past, who we were, is now dead to us; we are never alone.